A -Z of Essex English:
ASSA COMMONS – Our Parliament Building.
ART ATTACK – Extremely perturbed, as in “Don’t tell Sharon, She’ll have an art attack.”
ARST – Past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to
clear up yer room.”
BANNSA – A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club.
“Dave’s got izself a job as a bannsa.”
BANTY – A chocolate and coconut snack bar.
BAVE – To wash oneself.
BOAF – The two. “Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?” “Boaf” is the reply.
BRANSATCH – Motor racing circuit in Kent.
CANCEL – Administrative body of a town. “Darren, wive ad annuvva letter
from the cancel.”
CANTAFIT – Fake, as in money.
CHOONA – An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.
CORT A PANDA – A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)
DAN TO URF – Sensible, practical.
DANNING STREET – Where the Prime Minister lives.
DANSTEZ – On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.
DREKKUN – Do you consider? as in “Which dog drekkun’ll win the next race?”
EFTY – Considerable. “Ere, Trace, this credit card bill’s a bit efty.”
EJOG – A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).
ERZ – Belonging to her.
EVVY – A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer,
usually for money. “My name’s Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles.”
EYEBROW – Cultured, intellectual.
FANTIN – A jet of water for drinking or ornament.
FARVA – A posh way of saying Dad.
FATCHA – Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 – 1990.
FINGY – A person or object whose name doesn’t come to mind. “I ad it off
wiv fingy last night.”
FONG – Skimpy undergarment.
FOR CRYIN AT LAAD – Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G.
“For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?”